R E S P E C T… What does it mean to me?

At a comedy show I respect the audience and the comedians. Let’s face it; anyone brave enough to get up on stage in front of strangers deserves it. Also, people in the crowd are taking time and paying hard earned money to see a show.

For those of you who don’t know, I run an open-mic comedy show every Sunday Night in Toronto at The Fox & Fiddle. While there is no cover charge for this event, it is not a show unless there are people there to watch. As far as open mics go, we usually have a great turnout: 20 – 30 people (non-comics).

Respect for the audience is the reason I demand the comics do not pick on the crowd. Talk to them, interact with them, but do not verbally attack them in this room. If someone decides to heckle the comic, well, they are free to vocally defend themselves.

Respect for the comics is why I start off each show asking the crowd to please do NOT heckle and please do not talk during the show. If they need to converse with a friend please do it on the patio or downstairs. To me this is a simple request.

There have been many times since taking over producing this room that I have had to approach an individual and kindly ask them to quiet it down, this applies to both audience members and comics. I have no reservations doing this in an extremely polite manner. After a few times of doing this for someone, I am not as nice. To me this is an uncomplicated plea while a show is going on.

Tonight there were two drunken boys at the show. Boys you ask? Yes, they are far from being men, just silly boys who feel the world revolves around them. On three occasions I approached them and asked them to please keep the volume down while the show was going on. I know they understood me, as they immediately quieted down. Later they moved to a table, closer to the stage so when their conversation started up again, it was even more of a distraction to everyone at the show.

“Guys… please… if you need to talk, go down stairs there is a show going on.”

“NO… This isn’t a real show”, replied Drunky O’Shithead (yes he was Irish), “I’ll do what ever I f*&#ing want”.

At this point, I give thanks to the staff at the Fox & Fiddle. When I asked for the power to remove him from the premises, they gladly did it for me. Well, they let Drunky and his friend finish their drinks downstairs. At least they were no longer around to distract from the comedy. Or so I thought.

As the last comic was onstage (so sorry Darrin) Mr. O’Shithead came back and wanted me to apologize for being so rude to him. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He was dead serious and obviously tremendously stupid. And he was again speaking loudly 15’ from the stage without any regard for anyone in the room. Again I attempted another friendly request about his lowering his booming voice and we could talk about this AFTER the show. It was like talking to an insolent child.

Darrin ended his set; I closed the show and thanked everyone from coming. I even stopped myself from tearing into this guy from behind the microphone. As soon as we started to strike the stage, he was back. Unable to comprehend what he did wrong. At this point I had reached my limit. The last time I was in a “fight” was August 27th 1994. Why do I remember the date? It was near the end of my service with the Canadian Airborne Regiment and it was a nasty one in a bar in Owen Sound. The point is; I am very capable of handling myself in a physical confrontation. Hell, the extra pounds I have added since my army days would be rather helpful. But in all the years since that last brawl, I have never wanted to hit someone as much as I wanted to hit this idiot. All I was thinking is; “Please, just take a swing, oh pretty please”… He didn’t. Drunky and his buddy finally walked away, still with the look of utter confusion not understanding what he did so wrong.

Please support live stand up comedy by attending shows and being respectful for those around you and on the stage. Laugh until your ribs fracture, but NO TALKING PLEASE!

Finally a big “thank you” to: Earl Hammer, Darrin Rows, Mike Samuels, John Markey, Rob Balsdon and Steve Shultz. They gathered close by when this was going down. I appreciate you having my back when this was all happening.